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The Greatest Generation Learns 
About Great Safe Sex

By Corey Kilgannon, New York Times

February 14, 2007



Don Hogan Charles/The New York Times 
Monique Binford told residents of two Queens co-ops that older people today were
more sexually active, and ought to be prepared. 

The sex educators had come to a Queens housing complex to discuss condoms and foreplay and sexually transmitted diseases.

Those assembled were told that their demographic was showing increases in sexual activity and an accompanying rise in promiscuity, homosexuality and H.I.V. infection.

As the teacher, Monique Binford, delved into an unexpurgated discussion covering issues from vaginal dryness to Viagra, one student’s cane clattered to the floor, another student adjusted his hearing aid and a third fidgeted in her orthopedic shoes. By the time Ms. Binford got around to describing a safe sexual act involving Saran Wrap, a woman shouted, “Enough, already!” and the room erupted in laughter.

The sex educators had news for this class of 40 people in their 70s and 80s, just in time for Valentine’s Day: Older folks are friskier than ever, and it’s never too late to learn about safe sex.

Sexually speaking, said Norm Sherman, who organized the presentation, “It ain’t over till it’s over.”

The class last Wednesday, for residents of what is known as a “naturally occurring retirement community” at the Queensview and North Queensview co-op complexes in Long Island City, was run by Selfhelp Community Services, a nonprofit agency that provides services for the elderly across New York City.

The group’s leaders said they started sex-education courses in January after noticing an increase in sexual activity among their elderly clients, something they attribute to the popularity of Viagra and testosterone supplements as well as women shedding the idea that sex is shameful. Along with the increase in sexual activity at senior residences, nursing homes and assisted living facilities, there are increased complications because of lack of knowledge, said Becky Bigio, another of the educators.

A recent survey of people 45 and older, conducted by AARP, reported a sharp increase over the past several years of men using sex-enhancing drugs, and observed a corresponding “re-awakening” among women, who said their own sexual satisfaction had been enhanced. The study concluded that health care providers and patients were in need of sex education.

Indeed, not one of the students raised a hand when Ms. Binford asked who had been to a class before where someone had demonstrated how to put on a condom. 

Ms. Bigio said many older people experience problems when resuming sexual activity after a long layoff, as when widows begin new relationships after long marriages that had perhaps slowed down sexually. Then there are sexually transmitted diseases spread by newly promiscuous Viagra takers, often undetected by doctors presuming that older patients are not sexually active.

“We feel this is getting to be an area you can no longer ignore,” Ms. Bigio told the group. In her presentation, Ms. Binford said she had also seen an uptick in homosexual activity among the elderly, and that more and more older people were being diagnosed with H.I.V., citing the recent case of an 82-year-old woman in the Bronx.

While teenagers might be advised to rein in raging hormones, this class was warned about how incontinence, heart disease, diabetes and medication can contribute to erectile dysfunction; how a collapsed uterus can complicate penetration; and how vaginal dryness can lead to increased incidence of sexually transmitted disease.

“I’m telling you right now I’m going to say the word penis and the word vagina because those are the anatomical terms and I hope you’re O.K. with that,” Ms. Binford said as she showed a model of the female genitalia, reproductive and excretory systems.

Out of a pink Victoria’s Secret shopping bag, Ms. Binford and Ms. Bigio pulled out lubricant and condoms. “You can actually get this in drugstores, so you don’t have to go to sex shops or anything,” Ms. Binford said of the lubricant, noting there were also coupons in her pink bag. “You can even get your lube flavored. After I get finished with you, you’re all going to rush out and buy condoms.” 

Bella Cohen, an 89-year-old widow in the front row, scoffed, “Oh yeah, by the thousands.” Then, she inquired: “We can only use it if we have intercourse?” 
Ms. Binford replied, “We can talk later if you’re thinking of other uses.” 

Urging her charges to meet potential partners at senior centers, social functions and places of worship, Ms. Binford recommended carrying a “bag of tricks” containing condoms, lubricant and wipes. She explained where the clitoris is and how to achieve an orgasm by masturbation and mentioned the Saran Wrap maneuver, which provides protection for oral sex on a woman.

“You’re making us into sex queens,” Mrs. Cohen said.
Warning of the danger of taking Viagra with some heart medications, Ms. Binford recommended “cheap man’s Viagra” — a metal ring that slides onto the penis to maintain the erection. “You can get them at the Eighth Avenue sex shops,” she said. “It’s a good field trip. Put your dark glasses and hat on.”
She recommended similar outings to stock up on condoms and exhorted the women to build sexual confidence and self-esteem by undressing in front of the mirror.

“You’ve got to love you,” she said.

The condom-stuffed goodie bags were grabbed eagerly as class ended. Afterward, Barbara Gerbers, 89 and widowed, said she enjoyed the presentation, but would probably not put the knowledge into action.

“No, I’m through with sex in my life,” she said. “I grew up in a different era. The kids today are having more fun than I had, but they’re also having abortions and all kinds of diseases.”

Mrs. Cohen, though, called the meeting “enlightening,” saying she had been “brought up in a household where you never talked about sex,” and the class “reminded us that sex is not a dirty word.”

“I came in thinking that sex is the furthest thing from my mind, it’s just not important anymore,” Mrs. Cohen added. “But, you know, we’re not dead. There’s still a chance to learn.”


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