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Be Wary of the Generation Trap
By Brian Hirsch, AllAfrica.com
Africa
November 21, 2005
In
days gone by, having a large family was considered insurance against poverty.
It was standard practice that all siblings club together to support aged parents but in today's fast-paced world, this is not a given, with some children refusing, or being unable, to shoulder the burden.
Fifty years ago a child was considered independent at age 18 and had to fend for themselves financially. Now, a child of that age may just be starting university and may still be dependent on parents.
Adults in their 50s are sometimes called "the sandwich generation", as they are stuck between their elderly parents and their not yet fully independent children.
They find themselves burdened with the task of taking care of aged parents and simultaneously supporting grown children not yet capable of taking care of themselves. These responsibilities take their toll both emotionally and financially, and can be a huge drain on resources.
Research shows that this situation is again becoming the norm in today's modern world. Even people who made provision for their retirement find that their pension is now inadequate, having failed to keep up with inflation rates. Medical science has also increased life expectancy, but at a price -- spiralling health care costs for the aged.
These expenses fall increasingly on the shoulders of the middle-aged couples, who are themselves struggling to ensure that their own pension will be adequate when they themselves retire.
Yet very few children can ignore their elderly parents in their hour of need, and find themselves taking on the task of supporting them, hopefully with the co-operation of other siblings.
Coupled with this extra financial responsibility comes the problem of older children who still rely on their parents financially. In many cases, this involves paying for their tertiary education and living expenses while they are studying.
While this expense may seem onerous, it does pay off in the long run.
Research has shown that this assistance is reciprocal: parents support their children's education, and children repay the investment in their education by providing their parents with old-age support.
This investment-repayment cycle is related to the existence of a rapidly growing national economy, as in the case of SA, where the returns on an educational investment in your children can be much higher than returns on savings or any other kind of investments.
As the demand for more skilled and educated workers increases, children with a strong education are empowered to earn nearly three times what their parents earned. Once these educated children secure good incomes, they and their parents together share the returns from the investment.
Clearly, supporting a child's education pays off in the end, but it is also essential to know when to stop this support and help the child to stand on their own two feet.
Cutting the financial cord has to be done. In some cases it is done gradually, by a slow weaning process. In other, more resistant cases -- such as when an adult has been living with his or her parents for years -- only shock treatment will work. It may seem harsh, but it's a case of financial tough love.
Caring for aged parents is more complex and here the tough love approach is obviously inappropriate. Elderly, ailing parents are unable to fend for themselves and now is when they really need you. The best you can do is to give them all the support you can without jeopardising your own retirement too much. Ideally, your other siblings will share this responsibility.
It's not easy being in the middle of a generational tug of war, but knowing where to set the boundaries will go a long way to lessening the pull.
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