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Caregivers Are Lifeline for Elderly
Stress, Love Go Hand-in-Hand
Bernie Mixon, Courier-Post
October 17, 2004
AVI STEINHARDT/Courier-Post
Chris Doberstein (right) helps her mother, Edith, with her oxygen tube as Rita Patient, a personal care assistant, gives encouragement. Chris is Edith's caregiver.
As she tends to the joys of mothering her own son, Chris Doberstein has devoted her life to caring for her mother, who has been slowed by the effects of a stroke.
It is a role reversal that plays out daily, as she is now more parent than child to her mother, Edith Doberstein, 62.
Doberstein, 34, is one of the estimated 34 million caregivers, most of them women with families of their own, who find themselves the lifeline for their elderly relatives. As the number of seniors increases, so will the demand for caregivers, according to experts.
Recognizing the important role caregivers provide, Camden County is hosting a free conference for caregivers on Oct. 28 in Lindenwold to provide them with information on programs and services available to them.
For Edith Doberstein, her daughter has been her "life support."
"I don't think I would have stayed alive if I didn't have my grandson and daughter after my husband died," Edith Doberstein said.
Looking after seniors has taken on many forms and it is a practice that dates back generations as adult children have routinely looked in on their parents. It has only been in recent years that the practice has received a name and a definition.
Today's caregiver assumes responsibilities such as managing finances, running the household and making decisions for an older adult.
"You are going to the doctor with them. You're taking care of the bills. There are all different levels of caregiving and people just do it," said Joy M. Merulla, director for the Camden County Division of Senior and Disabled Services.
"It's visiting them, mowing the lawn, taking care of the trash, food shopping for them."
Nationally, 16 percent of the population or nearly 34 million adults provide unpaid care to an individual age 50 or older, according to a 2004 survey by the National Alliance for Caregiving and the AARP.
"We know right now that there are about 35 million elderly above 65 and that number will grow not only in terms of numbers but in terms of the proportion of the population," said Sidney Stahl, chief of the individual behavioral processes branch at the National Institute on Aging.
Using funding from the Older Americans Act, state and county funds, Camden County has provided services such as Homemaker/Home Health Aide, Meals on Wheels, transportation and social day care.
Yet funding for programs such as these and others has its limits, and care for seniors will fall on the shoulders of caregivers, experts say.
"Government is not going to be able to take care of the family members the way a family could," said Susan Romano, supervising program development specialist for the Camden County Division of Senior and Disabled Services. "If we try to take care of the caregiver and support them the best way we can that would be the ultimate."
Recognizing this, the state began two programs to help seniors remain in their homes: the Jersey Assistance for Community Caregivers and the Caregiver Assistance Program. Both programs have waiting lists.
"What the initiation of these two programs did was bring more people into our office," Romano said. "We started seeing more and more people because more caregivers were aware of our office."
At times, being a caregiver can be difficult, especially for people who are juggling elder care while dealing with the needs of their own families. They are part of the so-called sandwich generation.
"Where do you draw the line on the responsibility? People are feeling torn, feeling guilty that they are not spending enough time with their kids. The husbands feel left out of the picture and they have the demands of the parents," Romano said. "The guilt of the caregiver is probably the biggest issue that we deal with. There is the guilt of being frustrated, guilt about the time they are spending with them, guilt about being angry."
For so many seniors, the caregiver is more than someone who takes care of the senior but becomes central to their lives.
"The only thing they have is that person at their disposal," Romano said. "For people who are being cared for, it is very frustrating for them because they have nothing to offer. They have experienced many losses such as their spouse and their friends. All they have left is the one child who is caring for them."
Chris Doberstein knows all too well how the stress of caring for a parent can overwhelm an adult child.
"Sometimes I have to take a walk and I cry," Doberstein said. "It's the loneliness sometimes."
Rita Patient, a personal care assistant with the Easter Seals of New Jersey, has been helping to provide care for Edith Doberstein for about a year.
"Chris does not have a personal life. The bulk of the care is left to her. They depend on each other. She is her right arm," Patient said. "I am here to make it as easy as possible, to make the environment as stress-free as possible."
In the fleeting moments when the responsibility of caregiving brings her to tears, Chris Doberstein reflects on the joy she finds in her mother's smiles.
"We have never been without each other," Doberstein said. "She is not just my mother. She is my best friend."
TIPS FOR CAREGIVERS
. Dedicate time to be alone.
. Accept your new role. Discuss your feelings.
. Eat sensibly. Exercise. See your physician. Get enough rest.
. Plan free time with social activities and hobbies.
. Avoid harmful habits such as smoking and drinking alcohol. Avoid over-medication. ,7 Source: Camden County Divisionof Senior and Disabled Services
IF YOU GO
. Camden County residents who care for the ill and aged are invited to a free conference on caregiving.
Titled "Courageous Caregivers Conference," the event will include such topics as how to deal with the emotional aspects of caregiving and understanding the caregiver's responsibilities.
The conference will be held at 6:30 p.m. Oct. 28 at Bethany Baptist Church, 1115 Gibbsboro Road, Lindenwold.
To register or learn more about the conference, call the Camden County Department of Health and Human Services at (877) 222-3737.
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