|
|
|
|
||
|
||
|
|
||
| SEARCH | SUBSCRIBE | ||
|
 |
What
Will Your 'Kids' Say? By
Abigail Trafford, the
And what do they talk about when they get
together at Divine Bar in midtown for a drink after work? You won't believe what my mom and dad are
doing! That's the way adult children talk about
their My Timer parents -- with a mixture of disbelief and awe. Mom has
started a business, Dad has joined a rock band. Staid suburban folks have
taken off in the family car for the West Coast and they don't come back
for six months. Who is free and restless now? The 20- to 30-something generation is
getting a firsthand look at how the My Time wave is washing over the
cultural landscape. They watch their parents change course in the bonus
decades and they're a little stunned. Diana Hyman, 31, remembers when her parents
sold the house on "I was shocked," says Hyman, who
was just starting law school. "It was weird. You don't realize how
disconcerting it is for parents not to have a permanent address."
Kids may not have a permanent address as they float from school to job
before settling down. But parents? And traveling just the two of them . . . as
a couple? Hyman couldn't imagine that her mom and dad would be together in
a car for six months and not go crazy. But the trip was a magic period of
regeneration for her parents and their marriage. "They fought less
than they ever had. They were just so happy," she says. Her parents
took the northern route out to Her mom is 60, her dad, 71. They fit the My
Time pattern of a period of upheaval followed by renewal. Starting about
10 years ago, they experienced a series of jolts that marked the end of
middle adulthood, when their focus was on raising children and proving
themselves in the workplace. First, Hyman left for college. Her brother
followed two years later. Then the dog died. Hyman's dad retired from his
retail business. Her mom finished her term as commissioner of planning for
the town where they lived. There were also serious health problems.
"Both had cancer. Both recovered completely," says Hyman.
"It was a whole upheaval time. We were leaving. They were getting
sick." Now Hyman can understand why, once that was
behind them, her parents wanted to do something really different -- take
six months and explore the country. They were so glad, she says, to have
their health back. Their attitude was -- "We don't want to put this
off. We don't want to put anything off." Hyman's initial shock has turned into pride.
The cross-country trip, nearly five years ago, turned out to be a great
adventure. "I'm so happy they did it. I tell everybody. It made me
respect them more. I can't believe they had the flexibility in their
thinking," says Hyman. But flexibility of mind and living
out-of-the-box are what can happen in My Time. What have you got to lose?
You find a boldness to change the subject of your life. "I hope I can find that in
myself," says Hyman. "I admire them a lot." This is a different kind of role model for
the next generation. My Timers are showing their children how to loosen
up, dream a little, reinvent themselves and have fun. Jessica Miller, 26, is another admirer of My
Time parents. She works for a publishing company, making her way in the
corporate world. When she talks to her dad about the grind, he gives her a
knowing smile. Her father worked for the city of But he always had a big dream: to play the
drums. All through those years of being a housing inspector, he kept
playing in local bars on the side. At 56, he took early retirement.
"Why burn out more?" says Miller. Her dad swapped toiling in
city hall for performing in a rock band. He now plays in bands with names
like Shock Troop, The Prunetones and DeeDee and the Divebombers. "That's how he makes his living,"
says Miller, who has a Shock Troop T-shirt. "He's so happy. He's
doing his thing. . . . I think it's amazing," continues Miller.
"I hope something amazing will happen to me." Many parents today are demonstrating that
the busy years of child-rearing and résumé-building are not all that
there is to the life span. There is another chapter. Rather than being a
burden on their adult children, Mom and Dad have become a beacon, lighting
the way to this unprecedented stage of vitality in late life. Even when parents are hit with losses -- and
there are losses in My Time -- children are shown the possibilities for
regeneration. Jason Brantley, 25, watched his 50-something
parents split up after 26 years of marriage. He saw the pain in the
breakup, the deep sadness of loss. And he saw something else. "After that
happened, my mom came into her own. She was trying to keep everything
together. Once that crumbled, she decided she was Number One. I've seen my
mom go through a renaissance," says Brantley. "She didn't want
to lose life as she knew it. [But] when it was over, she realized she was
free." Now his mother works as an interior
designer, a job she loves. "She's thinking of traveling," says
Brantley. "She has a great boyfriend. He's really cool."
Meanwhile, his father moved to But most people in the bonus decades have
their health. And with the emergence of this new stage, they have a sense
of possibility. The kids get it. There is life after 50. That's what parents can give to their children when they regenerate in My Time -- the gift of hope. Copyright © 2002
Global Action on Aging |
