Art Linkletter has been in the media since before you were a zygote. In his 95th year, the former host of “Kids say the darndest things” and Mark Victor Hansen (co-creator of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” Series) have collaborated on a book about why growing old is the best thing that could ever happen to you.

Happy birthday, Art! What are you doing to celebrate?
Working my tail off. The whip master over here is getting me to do all kinds of telephone conversations for the very mercenary purpose of selling books. If we aren’t making money, we aren’t breathing.

How do you remember things that happened almost a century ago?
To begin with, I have never abused my body or my mind and destroyed the things that God intended me to have. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I exercise, I take deep breaths and I have good thoughts and the use of all of my facilities. I keep everything active and I have a joyful life. I think happiness is the oil and grease and lubrication that gets us through the grind of life. Of course, you have to have good luck, too.

You say in your book that you’re experientially 358 years old. What does that mean?
It means that I have a different time scale than you do. I have a time scale that Methuselah bragged about. When the Bible said that Adam lived to be 790 years old, that inspired me. 358 years really metastasized to 94 years. And that’s not enough for me. I’m going to be 100.

You also mention in your book that it’s important to maintain a healthy sex life as you age. How do you feel about Viagra?
I think of Viagra like an automobile tire with a fairly similar purpose. An automobile tire is a Goodyear and a Viagra tablet is a great year.

So why do kids say the darndest things?
They are learning a whole new language and they don’t know what words mean really but they remember them. I asked a little boy, “What church do you go to?” and he said “I can never remember. We’re either Catholic or prostitutes.” He was on the right track but he just didn’t arrive at the right depot. 

ON MORE ZEST
The best thing you can do is to ask [your aging relatives] to do something for you because if they love you, they’ll do it. By looking through your eyes, it will reignite some of their memories of their more active life. In other words, if it were a sexual situation I would use the word ‘seduce.’

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