April 28, 2008

Talking with your elderly parents about aging issues can be fraught with pitfalls, especially if you have yet to make the transition from child to adult in your relationship. A recent study by the Boomer Project - a research and consulting company focusing on baby boomers, who are 44 to 62 years old this year - discovered that nearly one-third of boomer adults in the U.S. have trouble talking to their elderly parents because they still feel trapped in their role as a child.

There are ways to initiate timely, sensitive discussions with parents about their health care needs.

Home Instead Senior Care - an Omaha-headquartered company with more than 800 franchises worldwide that provides non-medical help to seniors - has prepared a pamphlet called "The 40-70 Rule" suggesting ways to start these conversations with parents. The name reflects the organization's suggestion that if you are 40 or your parents are 70, it's time to start having these talks.

"The worst thing you can do is just ignore these things," said Nancy Meek, community service representative with the Home Instead Senior Care franchise in Prescott.
For example, if a son or daughter notices that mom isn't keeping her house as tidy as she once did, or if dad starts driving through stop signs, it's better to have a talk with them right away instead of waiting until they hurt themselves or someone else.

Trying to make decisions during a crisis is the worst time to do it, Meeks says.

In July, Prescott resident Sally Schindel came to the realization that her 90-year-old mother, Kathryn Blakslee, needed help with daily living.

"She was becoming very weak," Schindel said. One day when all of Schindel's brothers and sisters were in Prescott, they sat down with their mom and had a talk. Luckily, it went pretty smoothly.

Now, "All my children know my wishes," Blakslee said. In addition, Blakslee is getting the help she needs from several community resources in addition to Home Instead Senior Care. Schindel says that that kind of care for her mother "allows me to have a regular life, too."

Another service in the Prescott area that helps seniors is Nursing Care Consultants Inc. that Suzi Anderson, a board-certified geriatric nurse, owns. Anderson coordinates whatever care a senior might need.

"I help sons and daughters who live out of town," Anderson said. "I connect the client with the care they need. It's kind of like being a hired professional daughter."

One thing Anderson says she emphasizes is that people are not helpless in the face of changes in their lives. They just have to know where to find the help they need. And that's where Anderson - and businesses like hers - comes in.

Anderson says she's spent the past year plugging in to all of the tri-city organizations available to help the aging. Her goal, she says, is to allow seniors to live out their lives in the least restrictive community setting possible.