Clinton Township Leads the Way with Speed Dating for Seniors

  By Christy Arboscello, Detroit Free Press

September 9, 2008

"I'm Jane. I'm looking for Tarzan," Jane Brown of Macomb Township says playfully.

"Oh yeah?" responds Art Bosco of Warren.

"How old are you? Can I ask?" said Brown, who's wearing glasses and pearl earrings.

79.

She's 71.

"I'm a widower," he tells her.

She's widowed too.

"How did you make it? I'm having a hard time," he shares.She says she swims three times a week, stays busy with friends and now she's looking for someone who can keep up with her on the dance floor.

"To be honest, I think the women are having an easier time. Women are more ..."
"Self-sufficient," he finishes her sentence.

She tells him of a group for people who have lost spouses that she attends. He's intrigued.

"We all have to do something like that otherwise, we go nowhere," Bosco says.
The center's program coordinator, Donna Tinker, said of senior speed dating, "I was the first in the area to start it," eyeing a stop-watch before ringing the bell.

She tried convincing her bosses it would be a smash after seeing a video of an event in Florida. It took almost a year for them to agree, and it helps a good cause. The $10 individual fee benefits center activities and projects like a recent expansion.

The new take on dating is following a national trend of older adults increasingly flocking to unconventional outlets, including the Internet, to find love. They're often ignoring social norms they adhered to the first time around.

They're also living together more and more. Cohabitation without marriage among older people rose 50% from 2000 to 2006, with 1.8 million elderly individuals living together full time, McClatchy Newspapers reported in July. The report, which comes from census data, also found part-time cohabiters -- who travel together, share summer homes and spend weekends together -- have kept pace with that trend.

Perhaps taking note of the lifestyle changes, other senior event planners in metro Detroit are interested in mimicking Tinker's matchmaking.
"I think it's great. I'd like to try to do it at my center," said Kathy Jo Voight, special events programmer at the Romeo-Washington-Bruce Senior Activity Center, who checked out the August Clinton Township affair.

Speed dating will kick off for the first time at Troy Community Center at the end of the month.

"They were doing that in Clinton Township and one of the seniors put a suggestion in the suggestion box that we do that here," said Carla Vaughan, senior program director. "We said, 'OK, let's give it a try.' "

Women registered right away for the Troy program; that's also been the case in Clinton Township. It takes a little more work for organizers to sign up the men.
Those following Tinker's lead can note her learning curve during the premiere event in May. The biggest problem: Like a bad date, it seemed to never end.

"Some ditched us," she said, adding that many men used the old bathroom excuse to duck out after hours of not-so-speedy dating.

But on a recent night, the room was abuzz with serious topics from gay rights to abortion to lighthearted ones like playing cards and karaoke. For some, the bell rings too soon. For others, it seems to take longer.

Frank J., a 60-year-old Shelby Township resident who declined to give his last name, taps his pen repeatedly when talking to Erika Koehler of Clinton Township. She twists the strap of her rhinestone purse.

"Are you going to the dance afterward?" he asks.

"I'm not sure yet," she says shyly in a thick accent.

Between short, silent pauses, he asks where she's from.

Germany, she replies.

"How long have you been here?"

"Long enough," she says with a faint smile.

They're signaled, with everyone else, to move on.

While some guests worried what their children would think of them moving on after losing spouses, Sandra Muklewicz said she's glad her mom, Jane Brown, is speed dating.

"I think it's a great idea. I think it's difficult for people of any age to really find a person to share their common interests and I think it's even more difficult for seniors," said Muklewicz, 47, of Chesterfield Township, whose father died 20 years ago.

She felt comforted that the speed dating took place in a senior center as opposed to a dimly lit restaurant or bar.

"It seemed like a safe environment," she said.

Clinton Township resident Janet Sieber said she leapt into the speed dating pool to reel in a man who likes festivals and other events.

"I've been dating couch potatoes," she said.

Sieber may not have found Mr. Right right away, but she was happy to be there, she said.

"Absolutely, I've been meeting nice people."

Scanning the crowd, Tinker was also delighted.

"I'm seeing smiles on everyone's face, so I'm pleased. It was a good night."

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