He's 80 and in Demand

By Philip Galanes, The New York Times

March 13, 2009

I am 73 and my gentleman friend is 80. For the last 13 years, he has taken me to dinner twice a week, and for the last 12 years, we’ve driven to New England to see the leaves turn. But last year he took another woman to New England and didn’t tell me. When I asked him why I had to hear the news from someone else, he said he wanted to avoid a confrontation and wouldn’t discuss it.

We’ve resumed our dinners. But I hate to wait until October this year to hear who is going to New England. My friends tell me not to rock the boat, but my emotional energy is waning. Any suggestions?

Anonymous, Chagrin Falls, Ohio

Gosh, I’m sorry. It must be hurtful to feel replaced — or supplemented, anyway — so casually. Who could enjoy the early bird special, wondering if it’s their last?!

Your beau’s dalliance with his leaf-peeping hoochie mama may have been a one-time thing. But there’s no way to know — or figure out where you stand — without drawing him into the very discussion he refuses to have. 

Try coaxing him into it by letting him know you’re not angry; you just want to understand the lay of the land. Old habits die hard, though, and he may persist in his unwillingness to talk about it — in which case, you’ll have to decide on your own whether to continue seeing him. 

It’s nice to have a regular beau. But evenings with shut-down folk can often be lonelier than the ones we spend solo. 

More Information on US Elder Rights Issues

Copyright © Global Action on Aging
Terms of Use  |  Privacy Policy  |  Contact Us