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Therapy of a Different Sort
By
Paula Span, The New York Times
May 4, 2012
Matt Dutile for The New York
Times
From
left, Phyllis Beck, Sheila Goldstein and
Wendy Wilson at Ms. Wilson’s Long Island
home.
The six women who gathered in
Wendy Wilson’s living room in
Massapequa, on Long Island, on a
Saturday morning — five in person, one
on speakerphone from Florida — were
talking about dependence and
independence, big issues for people ages
75 to 88.
“Am I lucky to have these kids
who are aware of my frailty?” asked one
member with Parkinson’s disease, whose
children have begun to fill weekly
pillboxes for her and her husband. “Yes.
Does that make me dependent? No.” She
sees herself as “allowing them to be
kind to me, as I am kind to them.”
“Emotional maturity is not
being independent,” said one of the
younger members, offering an axiom she
heard years ago. “It’s being
interdependent.”
The group liked this notion;
nods and murmurs traveled around the
circle. “She’s smart, for a kid,”
someone said.
Ms. Wilson, the clinical social
worker and psychoanalyst who leads this
monthly discussion (she recorded the
most recent, with members’ permission,
so that I could listen in), has never
called it a therapy group. She refers to
it as a workshop. Its official title is
Vibrant Seniors, though participants
have dubbed it “the oldies group.” Those
from generations reared in a more
reticent pre-Oprah culture can be
notoriously wary of anything that sounds
like mental health treatment.
But whatever its name, “I’m
working as a therapist when I’m running
the group,” Ms. Wilson acknowledged.
“And the results are those you’d see in
psychotherapy. People are talking about
topics they otherwise never would have.”
She structures each 90-minute
gathering around a questionnaire that
explores subjects like longevity,
friendship, finances, sexuality (the
only subject members have trouble
talking about), inheritances, family
disputes and wisdom. Holding meetings in
her home, serving coffee and danish,
helps put people at ease, she thinks.
Initially, she invited people
she knew to discuss their aging
experiences as a way to help her
understand the territory (and gather
material for a book), so she expected a
shorter-term experiment. “But when I
asked if people wanted to continue, they
all said yes.” In the group’s four-year
history, people have grieved for one
member (the only man) who died; another
is recovering from a fall in Florida —
hence, the speakerphone. But the group
has endured.
“I have lots of friends to talk
to, but not everyone wants to talk about
things like this — accepting help,
things starting to change,” explained
Felicia Cohn, 74. Within the group,
“there’s a kind of freedom, a
we’re-all-in-the-same-boat feeling.”
Can this model be replicated in
assisted living facilities and senior
centers and therapists’ offices?
Convinced that she’s onto something, Ms.
Wilson will be presenting her experience
at a conference of the National
Association of Social Workers in
Washington in July.
The need seems inarguable. “The
stereotypes older adults are facing have
harmed their self-esteem, their
confidence, their mental health,” said
Ms. Wilson, who is 70. Yet if they do
seek professional help, older patients
may find a shortage of those trained to
work with people their age. They also
often encounter an eagerness to resort
to medication.
The efficacy of Ms. Wilson’s
approach can’t be ascertained from one
small Long Island group. Questions about
payment might also arise; Ms. Wilson has
led Vibrant Seniors without charge, but
to have Medicare cover such services
would require a diagnosis, an
acknowledgement of the dread T-word.
But according to the annual
evaluations that group members write,
“people feel more self-confident,” Ms.
Wilson said. “They’re happier. They
definitely have more control over their
lives. It’s hard to quantify, but that’s
what I see.”
As one member told the group on
a recent Saturday: “I’m realizing what a
good time this is. The general consensus
is you’re older and you’re slowing down
and you don’t have wonderful things
happen in your life anymore. But that’s
not the case.”
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