|
|
|
|
||
|
||
|
|
||
| SEARCH | SUBSCRIBE | ||
Some related articles : |
 |
Falling in Love Again: Senior Couples Ignore Age as an Obstacle to Romance
When Jim Diehl went into Naples Community Hospital in 1992, it was to have much- needed knee surgery, not to fall in love. Not until Doris Marini walked into his recovery room. She was there to make a friendly visit to Jim's roommate, who was also recuperating from an operation.
A few years later, Doris and Jim were together in another hospital room. This time, he was recovering from brain surgery. And this time, Jim proposed marriage to his surprised sweetie. "Right there in the hospital, with his head all bandaged," Doris, now 62, says. "I told him yes, as long as we don't have to get married in the hospital." They had dated since their first hospital encounter and fallen easily into love, but neither ever intended to remarry. Both were widowed in 1991, and their past marriages had been solid ones. A former veterinarian, Jim, now 82, jokes that the only reason Doris went out with him was to get free care for her three dogs, three parrots and cat. Doris just rolls her eyes and laughs. The reluctance they initially felt about remarriage vanished when Jim underwent brain surgery. Committing for life became suddenly serious. They celebrate their third wedding anniversary Feb. 28, and she couldn't be happier. Married life is as sweet as the oranges that bow the branches of their backyard orchard, the ones that Jim squeezes daily into fresh juice for the couple. He rises early in the morning and fishes off the end of their Isles of Capri dock, trying to snag fish to feed Doris' cat, Katie, or to offer to Charlie, the small blue heron that has informally adopted the couple. Jim is a patient and caring man, Doris says, and she feels more fortunate than she can express.
"I don't know what I did to deserve Jim," she says. "Because he's just marvelous." On the couch in their living room, an embroidered pillow proclaims, "A fisherman lives here with the catch of his life." Jim had seen the sentiment on a plaque some years earlier and remarked on it. When Doris later saw it on a pillow, she snapped it up for him. "She has a wonderful personality, and she's pretty," Jim says with a smile. "I've been a very, very, very lucky man." They like to fish together and play golf, take cruises or long road trips in their motor home. Half the year, they summer in Jim's native Indiana. The other six months they are on Capri, which has been Doris' home since 1972. She used to own Capri Fisheries. Connie Pierson didn't plan to fall in love, either. She rebelled against the idea when friend Judy Rutledge tried to set her up with Bob Fowler. But her friend had a few arrows Connie hadn't expected. In June 1999, Judy suggested she and Connie take a cruise together. Then, two days before the ship sailed, Judy announced Bob would be joining them. "I was really pretty miffed about the whole thing," Connie says. Divorced after a 39-year marriage, Connie was enjoying her newfound independence. She was hesitant, cautious. When she finally met Bob, she thought he was handsome but didn't feel like they "clicked at all," she says. Bob did, though. He offered to help her buy a stereo. Then he offered to help her install it. With the music from her newly set up stereo playing, they danced, and she smelled his cologne. Connie makes a hand motion and a sound to describe the feeling. "Every day then, he would call and ask me to do something," Connie, 62, says. And every day, Connie swore to herself that she wouldn't go — and every day, she always went. They were married May 6, 2000, on the Marco beach in a small ceremony. The couple continues to live on the island full time. "We've not had a bad day (since marrying). It used to be when other people would tell me that, I'd say 'yeah, right,' " Connie says. "But my life really has been so enriched." Bob, a widower, was married to his late wife for more than four decades. When she died, it was a lonesome time for him. He liked Connie right away when he met her — her strong personality and her enthusiasm. "She amazes me," Bob, 71, says. A later-life marriage hasn't been confusing or stressful for them, they agree. Bob calls their commitment "unbelievably easy." After 44 years with his late wife, Sally, he ought to have some idea of what makes a marriage, he notes. Also, the pressures that confront young couples — the children or the careers — aren't in their marriage, either, Connie adds. They share some hobbies, but keep the occasional distances, too. It's a balance and a willingness to understand the other person's wants and needs that makes a marriage work, they say — at any age. "If you're learning, you have to listen and you have to practice," Bob says. "And don't try to fix it if it's not broken." Getting to know each other was part of the process to a happy later-life marriage, too, they say. It wasn't enough to have a good time — there had to be lots of long talks, also. That's the gentle caveat Jim Diehl gives his senior friends who are dating. "I tell them to be very selective," he says. "You can have lots of people that are friends, but they have to be more than a friend to get married." But Jim hopes his friends will date nevertheless. The Diehls hear the excuses that seniors make — that they are too old to go out, to date or fall in love — but Doris won't accept any of those. "I don't think love is age-sensitive, or friendships or relationships," she says. Rather than a hindrance, age has helped the Diehls and the Fowlers strengthen their relationships, they say. Doris was 19 when she married her first husband, long before she says she knew who she was as an adult. She is pleased to see that younger couples date awhile and wait to wed now. Those extra years will give them opportunities to establish themselves as individuals, she believes. She has become more relaxed with age, too, more adept at judging what is or isn't important and less likely to argue over what she knows are trivial things. "There's a higher level of importance" in a marriage at this time in life, Doris says. "I think you go into it with a different attitude, a different mindset."
FAIR USE NOTICE: This page contains copyrighted material the use of which has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. Global Action on Aging distributes this material without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. We believe this constitutes a fair use of any such copyrighted material as provided for in 17 U.S.C § 107. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond fair use, you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.
|
