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Immigrants Grapple With Elderly Care By
Phuong Ly
As a
child in China, Tuey Lim heard the folk tales that ended not with a pair
of young lovers, but with children and their elderly parents living
happily ever after. As an 82-year-old immigrant in Montgomery County, she
had to accept a different ending: Her children sent her to a senior home. Long
unknown in East Asia, where centuries of tradition dictate that children
care for their parents until death, retirement homes have become part of
the American experience for a generation of aging immigrants. The
cultural taboo, coupled at times with a language barrier, has made
adjustment that much harder for some seniors and compounded the guilt for
their families. In response, a new type of retirement home has emerged
that allows elderly Asian immigrants to hold on to some of their culture
as they make their final adjustment to Western society. At
the Burtonsville retirement home where Lim has lived for three months,
residents fill their time watching soap operas -- from Hong Kong and
Taiwan. The scent of steamed rice fills the kitchen, and vases of bamboo
plants, for good luck, decorate the fireplace mantel. All six staff
members speak Cantonese or Mandarin Chinese. When
Lim's seven children first decided that she was too frail to live with
them, she was silent for days. But now she concedes that the best
compromise is to live in a home with other elderly Chinese. "Of
course I have to go," said Lim, with the practical resignation of an
immigrant who labored for two decades in a D.C. Chinatown restaurant.
"No one can take care of me at home. . . . You can stay at home with
your family, but your kids go to work all day. It's terrible; you don't
have anybody with you." As
the senior population becomes more diverse, housing experts say,
retirement facilities targeting a specific culture will be a growing niche
market. Some
homes have incidentally attracted specific ethnic groups because of their
location in a particular neighborhood. Others have been launched to
attract seniors of Cuban, Mexican, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and Indian
descent -- complete with bilingual staff and ethnic food. Clayton
Fong, executive director of the Seattle-based National Asian Pacific
Center on Aging, said the trend is similar to the way immigrants formed
ethnic neighborhoods. "There's been a long tradition of if you're
going to leave your home and go to a strange place, you look for a common
thread," Fong said. Asians
make up only 2 percent of the U.S. population over age 65 nationally,
while Hispanics make up about 6 percent, U.S. Census figures show. By
2050, projections show, the percentage of Asian seniors will triple, and
the percentage of elderly Hispanics will jump to 16 percent. Retirement
homes for Latinos have not yet opened in the Washington area, in part
because the immigrants in the area are generally younger than those in
longtime immigrant gateways such as Florida and California. In
Howard County, Korean-speaking residents live in two small senior homes.
Both have waiting lists. Grace House, the Burtonsville home for Chinese
speakers, opened last year, with 20 people applying for seven spaces. The
three local facilities were developed by immigrants, who know firsthand
the cultural shame against children who leave their parents with
strangers. Grace
Wong, who operates the Burtonsville facility, said one of her sisters
could not immigrate to the United States from Hong Kong because she had to
care for her ailing in-laws. Wong's
parents came to Montgomery County eight years ago. They did not want to
leave Hong Kong but preferred the security of being in the United States,
where they have three sons and two daughters. "Parents,
when they were young, they worked very hard for their children," said
Wong, 44, whose parents live with her family. "So if they want to
live with me now, it is my responsibility to take care of them." But
she said she firmly believes exceptions to traditions need to be made when
an elderly parent is sick and needs 24-hour care. All of her residents are
older than 80. "This
is [the children's] responsibility, but at the same time, they have to
earn a living," she said. "If they let the elderly stay home
alone, it's more dangerous." By
federal law, most retirement facilities cannot advertise as being
exclusive to any ethnic group. Nearly all homes have residents who receive
Medicaid waivers from the federal government to help defray expenses. Yet
in practical terms, homes that offer certain services will attract a
particular clientele. Phyllis Madachy, administrator of the Howard County
Office of Aging, said the new types of home are about giving seniors
choices. "It's not an expectation that many older Koreans can learn
English," she said. "It's important for them to be in a home
where they fit in." Eun
Soon Kim, who owns Emmanuel Care senior home in Ellicott City, said some
non-Korean families have inquired about her facility. None have been
interested after they learn that Korean food is served at every meal. In
Sik Lee, who operates the Sah-Rang-Bong home for Koreans in Columbia, said
she was moved to do so when she worked briefly at another long-term care
facility in Howard County. She saw just one Korean senior out of the
dozens there. Lee
said that when she first spoke Korean to the resident, the woman burst
into tears. "It was a good place, but it wasn't good for
Koreans," Lee said of the facility. "She couldn't understand
anybody there." But
no matter how welcoming the senior home is, the cultural taboos still
haunt Asian family members. Several declined to be interviewed. Lim's
granddaughter said that even within the family, the matter of sending
Grandmother away is rarely discussed. Cathy
Lim, 26, said family members knew that an assisted living facility was
their only option because Tuey Lim had been hospitalized twice after she
forgot to take her pills for diabetes. But it was up to the U.S.-born
grandchildren to explain to everyone the details of how retirement homes
work. "They
didn't understand it; they had never heard of it," she said.
"How do you explain to somebody something that they've never had any
experience with?" Family
members visit Tuey Lim about three times a week and call almost daily.
Still, Cathy Lim says, her parents cannot help but feel guilty. Her mother
has told the family that when it's her turn to retire, she may go to
China. Namkee
Choi, a University of Texas professor who studies ethnic seniors, said
retirement homes are arriving in East Asia as well. In
recent years, more women in China and Korea either must or want to work
outside the home and cannot take care of elderly family members. Assisted
living facilities are still a new concept, but as more develop, Asian
families won't feel so alone and stigmatized when they send a parent away. "It's
going to be quite different for our generation," said Choi, 48.
"I don't really have any illusions about being taken care of by my
son. We're becoming more realistic in our own thinking about this." The
elders are also beginning to admit that life with their adult children
wasn't always as idyllic as depicted by Asian folk tales. Bok
Soo Chung, 80, cried when she first came to Emmanuel Care two years ago
but surprised her family last year when she declined their offer to move
back home to Columbia. Chung
has spent a lifetime caring for other people -- first her mother-in-law in
South Korea and finally her four grandchildren in Howard County. At
Emmanuel Care, she isn't obligated to do anything. "Now
I can see my children or I cannot see my children," she said through
an interpreter. "And since I see my children less often, I feel
happier when I see them. When I lived with them, it wasn't always that
way." And
in a sense, living in a retirement home has turned into an American dream
for Chung. "I think the old tradition doesn't give people a lot of freedom," she said with a slight grin. "I can do whatever I want now." Copyright
© 2002 Global Action on Aging |
