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Facing the journey at 80
On Jan.12, I turned 80. On that very same day my first great-grandchild was born – a girl, of course. It was certainly a day to rejoice, but somehow turning 80 had a different ring. It said something to me that I had never heard before. Is 80 years old a different country ? As my good friend Mollie put it, “ No one will ever accuse us of dying young.” So, with pen and pas in hand, I started a personal exploration. Why did 80 seem so different from 60, 70, or even 75 ? Never one to worry about age, I remember my 70th birthday party and the celebration with friends and family. Me, grow old? So much more to do. I looked great, was in good health, still employed full time as a reading specialist, and actively involved in the peace movement and local politics. At 74 I retired and immediately found other
activities that demanded my full time and attention. I became and am still
an N.G.O. (non governmental organization ) representative at the United
Nations for Peace Action ( a national peace group ) and chair ofits
international committee. I attend the United Nations briefings for N.G.O.s
every Thursday in New York City. I run meetings, write reports, organize
others to support U.N. activities, and write articles for Woman’s News.
A full plate ? Yes, indeed, even for me! So many books. But Jan. 12 came along and brought me up short. Was it facing my own mortality ? Was it going to be a downhill journey now that I had reached my ninth decade ? Did I have to look at myself in a different mirror and confront changes that I had never acknowledged before ? All these questions and more took me to our wonderful library and to three tightly packed shelves dealing with aging. So many of the books were about women. No surprise; don’t we outlive men by seven to 10 years ? I lugged home nine books whose titles tell us a lot about how to deal with aging in our society. Betty Friedan’s “Fountain of Age” is a standout. But others demanded my attention as well. “How to survive growing old in America” by Robert Butler and “A view from 80” by Malcolm Cowley were two of the most instructive. But other titles deserve attention here : “The last gift of time” by Carolyn Heilbrun, “Smart Aging” by Harriet Hodgson, “Older, Wiser” by Dianda and Hofmayer, “Godd news about aging” by Charles Russell and Anthony P. Russell, “Women turning 70” by Cathleen Rountree, and “Gray dawn : how the coming age wave will transform America and the World” by Peter G. Peterson. If I can’t find the answers here, many more await me in the stacks. It was Ms Friedan’s “Fountain of Age” that helped me look at myself and experience, as Betty says, “a delicious sea change”. It clarified for me that there are still choices, even at 80, that we can and should make. Growing old is a journey. A T-shirt worn by a friend of mine got it right. It boldly proclaimed “Embracing the Journey.” We need to look at women who are not on the “conventional decline,” another Friedan bon mot. We need to reject the notion that all the research should be focused on age deterioration. Granted, that’s needed, but let’s look at those who continue to thrive, who continue to think, to write, to live productively, and extrapolate from their experiences. Let’s be certain that medical research puts efforts where the need is greatest. But let’s not forget those who need to be regarded, even at 80-plus, as productive and useful citizens. After all, the 80-pluses are the fastest growing part of the population. We need to be seen as well as heard. We need all the gerontologists ( a relatively new and important profession), but they need to ask different questions. What are the possibilities for women, particularly the over-80s ? The statistics give us almost a decade more time than men have. Medical science has kept many of us fit and disease-free for longer periods. Can and should those “octos”, as Malcolm Cowley lovingly call us, continue to work, be it volunteer or paid employment ? Should we be housed in intergenerational communities rather than places for the elderly only ? Our society cherishes those who are young, and well it should. But that ours is a youth culture is probably an understatement. Isn’t it time for a shift in that paradigm ? many societies cherish the old, the sages who are the keepers of our past and can reflect on our future. Those in the 80s and 90s have much to impart. Biggest challenge Ida Davidoff, a psychologist who recently died in her 90s, left the following message : “What we need is to educate our young society that in age there is wisdom, energy, thoughtfulness, and the time to do anything one wants to do. It is a time for depression and loneliness but a time for renewal, to become a more integrated person. After all, if anything, our years on earth have given us an opportunity to review what we have done.” So what do I see as the biggest challenge as we enter the ninth decade ? For one, the number of women growing older will not go away in the 21st century. They will increase and will require our help as well as concern. Addressing inadequate incomes and limited access to good health care must be a priority for a humane society. Housing is another major concern for the elderly who live on limited incomes. Those of us who are able and determined to do our thing must be proactive and involved in politics, in teaching and learning, in being a presence in our communities. We must recognize and deal with the problems of tomorrow. We must work for a better and more secure world for all, not only for our sake, but for the sake of future generations. And, most important, we must not become invisible ! Erik Erickson, the noted psychologist, said in his eighth stage, called maturity, “the most important event at this stage is coming to accept one’s whole life and reflecting on that life in a positive manner. That also means accepting responsibility for your life, and being able to undo the past and achieve satisfaction with self is essential.” If you can’t do that, says Erickson, “the result is a feeling of despair.” For me, despair is out and hope is in. I guess that is my mantra for the ninth decade. Cherish every moment I want to leave a personal message to each of my comrades in age. To my three children and my six dear grandchildren and, of course, to Sasha, my new great-grandchild, I take full responsibility for the rest of my life. I will continue to struggle for peace and justice to the fullest of my capacity. I will cherish every moment of my time on earth and make it as productive as I am able to. I will not become an angry old woman. There is no need for that. I will live in as many intergenerational situations as I am able to and hope that the young will listen to me as I will listen to them. On April 8 I will attend a United Nations conference on aging to be held in Madrid. I hope to be part of a panel on aging and it is my fondest dream that my message of positive aging will be uplifting for all those who attend, especially the many women growing old in the developing world. Judy Lerner is an educator and writer who is active in local politics and the peace movement. She has a house in East Hampton. FAIR USE NOTICE: This page contains copyrighted material the use of which has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. Global Action on Aging distributes this material without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. We believe this constitutes a fair use of any such copyrighted material as provided for in 17 U.S.C § 107. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond fair use, you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.
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