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Therapy of a Different Sort

By Paula Span, The New York Times


May 4, 2012



Matt Dutile for The New York Times
From left, Phyllis Beck, Sheila Goldstein and Wendy Wilson at Ms. Wilson’s Long Island home.


The six women who gathered in Wendy Wilson’s living room in Massapequa, on Long Island, on a Saturday morning — five in person, one on speakerphone from Florida — were talking about dependence and independence, big issues for people ages 75 to 88.

“Am I lucky to have these kids who are aware of my frailty?” asked one member with Parkinson’s disease, whose children have begun to fill weekly pillboxes for her and her husband. “Yes. Does that make me dependent? No.” She sees herself as “allowing them to be kind to me, as I am kind to them.”

“Emotional maturity is not being independent,” said one of the younger members, offering an axiom she heard years ago. “It’s being interdependent.”

The group liked this notion; nods and murmurs traveled around the circle. “She’s smart, for a kid,” someone said.

Ms. Wilson, the clinical social worker and psychoanalyst who leads this monthly discussion (she recorded the most recent, with members’ permission, so that I could listen in), has never called it a therapy group. She refers to it as a workshop. Its official title is Vibrant Seniors, though participants have dubbed it “the oldies group.” Those from generations reared in a more reticent pre-Oprah culture can be notoriously wary of anything that sounds like mental health treatment.

But whatever its name, “I’m working as a therapist when I’m running the group,” Ms. Wilson acknowledged. “And the results are those you’d see in psychotherapy. People are talking about topics they otherwise never would have.”


She structures each 90-minute gathering around a questionnaire that explores subjects like longevity, friendship, finances, sexuality (the only subject members have trouble talking about), inheritances, family disputes and wisdom. Holding meetings in her home, serving coffee and danish, helps put people at ease, she thinks.

Initially, she invited people she knew to discuss their aging experiences as a way to help her understand the territory (and gather material for a book), so she expected a shorter-term experiment. “But when I asked if people wanted to continue, they all said yes.” In the group’s four-year history, people have grieved for one member (the only man) who died; another is recovering from a fall in Florida — hence, the speakerphone. But the group has endured.

“I have lots of friends to talk to, but not everyone wants to talk about things like this — accepting help, things starting to change,” explained Felicia Cohn, 74. Within the group, “there’s a kind of freedom, a we’re-all-in-the-same-boat feeling.”

Can this model be replicated in assisted living facilities and senior centers and therapists’ offices? Convinced that she’s onto something, Ms. Wilson will be presenting her experience at a conference of the National Association of Social Workers in Washington in July.

The need seems inarguable. “The stereotypes older adults are facing have harmed their self-esteem, their confidence, their mental health,” said Ms. Wilson, who is 70. Yet if they do seek professional help, older patients may find a shortage of those trained to work with people their age. They also often encounter an eagerness to resort to medication.

The efficacy of Ms. Wilson’s approach can’t be ascertained from one small Long Island group. Questions about payment might also arise; Ms. Wilson has led Vibrant Seniors without charge, but to have Medicare cover such services would require a diagnosis, an acknowledgement of the dread T-word.

But according to the annual evaluations that group members write, “people feel more self-confident,” Ms. Wilson said. “They’re happier. They definitely have more control over their lives. It’s hard to quantify, but that’s what I see.”

As one member told the group on a recent Saturday: “I’m realizing what a good time this is. The general consensus is you’re older and you’re slowing down and you don’t have wonderful things happen in your life anymore. But that’s not the case.”





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