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Gay
elders emerge from long isolation By
Yvonne Abraham Boston
Globe, June 9, 2003 They grew up in an era when the words ''gay'' and ''lesbian'' were rarely spoken. They came of age when members of the US Senate sought to purge homosexuals from the civil service. Convinced that homosexuality was a mental illness and a moral failing, many of them tried to bury it in psychiatrists' offices and wedding chapels. ''My neurons were formed in a different world,'' said Bruce Steiner, 72. But yesterday afternoon, Steiner slow-danced in a ballroom at the Brookline Holiday Inn with his partner, James Anthony, 66. The couple, bedecked in beads, were joined under the soft lights by other gay and lesbian seniors who, like Steiner, had come to accept their homosexuality only later in life. They were part of Boston Pride's first-ever official event for gay seniors: the ''About Time Tea Dance.'' On Saturday, tens of thousands of gays and lesbians will converge in Boston's Back Bay and South End neighborhoods for the Gay Pride parade, an annual procession that draws everyone from young women in leather to gay police officers. But images of elderly gays and lesbians are less common, and they remain largely unseen in a community that sometimes elevates youth, beauty, and hipness. ''A lot of people feel invisible in the gay community,'' said Marcia Post, a social worker who runs a weekly support group for elderly gays and lesbians at the Fenway Community Health Center. ''In the mostly younger gay male community, there's an emphasis on youth, and being in shape and beautiful. And if someone walks by with gray hair and wrinkles, they don't even recognize them as gay.'' Last night's dance aimed to raise the profile of the area's growing population of gay elders, a group that even community organizers say they cannot quantify because many seniors are inclined to keep their sexuality private. An estimated 2.8 million gays and lesbians in America are over 65, according to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. And after spending most of their lives in less tolerant times than those of subsequent generations, they face unique challenges. Many elderly gays and lesbians have fewer family ties and, as a result, less financial security than their straight counterparts. Overall, they are more apprehensive about revealing their sexuality, and have less accepting heterosexual contemporaries than younger gays and lesbians. Their advocates say that because they don't have the same protections as married couples, legal and health care systems at times fail them. The push for greater visibility coincides with the closely watched legal battle in the state Supreme Judicial Court on whether the Massachusetts Constitution allows same-sex marriage. Opponents say it will undermine traditional families. Supporters say it will afford same-sex couples the same rights as heterosexual couples. As gays and lesbians age, and become more dependent on the health-care system, they covet those protections more keenly, said their advocates. Steiner retired from work as a research scientist to look after Anthony, who has mid-stage Alzheimer's disease. So far, nurses and doctors have allowed him to make decisions for Anthony. ''We're dependent on good luck rather than a system that is required to [accommodate] us,'' he said. He has a health-care proxy statement authorizing him to make decisions for Anthony, but doesn't feel entirely at ease. ''One doesn't normally go around with a briefcase full of legal papers,'' he said. ''When a straight couple goes in, they never are asked for their marriage license.'' Steiner came to terms with his homosexuality only after two children and 35 years of marriage. `I grew up in the Middle West, in a small town, where not only did gays not exist, but Jews did not exist, and Catholics were on the margin,'' said the Oberlin, Ohio, native. ''It's not just that we didn't talk about gays: We didn't talk about anything.'' Anna Bissonnette, 71, who has been with her partner, Marion Kenneally, 69, for 23 years, recalled a similar atmosphere. ''I didn't even know what lesbian meant, had never heard the word until probably the late '60s,'' she said. ''There were no gay groups, no role models. Up until 1972, we were still mentally ill.'' Dr. Jalna Perry, 72, a psychiatrist, said she was attracted to girls during high school, but kept thinking it was ''a phase.'' In college, a male psychologist told her that lesbianism was like smoking, ''a bad habit you could break. I knew he was rather an idiot.'' When homosexuality was finally removed from a list of mental disorders by the American Psychiatric Association in 1973, many of Perry's colleagues were unconvinced. The old perceptions are hard to shake, Bissonnette said, and it may be one of the reasons most of their lesbian friends are younger: older women are still reticent to identify themselves as lesbians, she said. Though Steiner, Bissonnette, and Perry are confident they can live openly in their later years, other older gays and lesbians worry they will find themselves in retirement communities or nursing homes where they must hide their sexuality. ''Most people won't go into retirement homes [or nursing homes] because their partners may no longer have access to them,'' said Ed Ford, 60, president of Boston Prime Timers, a social group for older gay men. ''Or, if you go in as a couple, you can be ostracized by the rest of the [residents]. If you've been isolated from same-sex couples in your lifetime, you don't necessarily know how to deal with that experience.'' There are a limited number of retirement communities around the country specifically for gays and lesbians. But many advocates, including those at the Boston-based Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Aging Project, which organized the dance, argue that the existing health-care system should be changed to be more accepting of gays and lesbians. For example, Medicaid protects the assets and homes of married spouses when one enters a nursing home or long-term-care facility, but not those of same-sex couples. And Social Security pays survivor benefits to widows and widowers, but not to gay and lesbian partners. In addition to feeling excluded from health-care systems oriented toward married couples, elderly gays and lesbians sometimes face isolation within their own communities. ''Elderly gay men don't trust that the younger gay community will take care of them when they need more help,'' Post said. Last night's dance, and a Prime Timers trolley in Saturday's Gay Pride parade, will help raise elder gays' and lesbians' profile, and bring more attention to their concerns, said Ford. ''As we're growing older, we're becoming bolder,'' said Bissonnette. ''We don't have to worry about our jobs anymore, so we can certainly speak our minds. There's still an awful lot to do.'' Copyright
© 2002 Global Action on Aging |
