Aging couples often face conflicting visions of 'golden years'




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Aging couples often face conflicting visions of 'golden years'

By Janet Bigham Bernstel, business correspondent for Stuart News, Florida

October 13, 2003

There are as many different ways to retire as there are people retiring. The challenge is in bringing the dreams of two separate people together without conflict.

Take the tales of two of my friends. One is busy adjusting to her "golden years" alone, a situation she never expected especially because her husband is still alive. She wants to travel and enjoy the financial success the two worked so hard to achieve, but he prefers to keep working full time.

Another friend is eligible to retire, but out of fear of being alone and bored, vows she'll continue teaching until her husband agrees to sell or dissolve his business.

These situations are not unusual.

A husband and wife may have very disparate visions of how to fill their retirement hours. The key to a successful, compatible retirement is to start planning together well in advance.

While the financial issues are important, the personal ones often cause the greatest concern. There's the loss of identity from work, a slower pace to contend with and the challenge of how to fill hours with something emotionally rewarding.

How do you know if your plans will conflict? Communicate. Write down your vision of an ideal retirement, and then compare notes. Answer questions such as, where do you want to retire, would you like to travel, do you want to work part-time or volunteer?

Another good exercise is to map out your image of a typical day in retirement. If your plans are clearly at odds, start discussing ways to compromise.

High-powered career people should consider transitioning into retirement. For example, a business owner could cut back to part time while training a successor. Retired executives and business owners may find teaching or consulting rewarding both psychologically and financially.

Once you've come to some agreement, you can look at the financial implications. Of course, budget restraints may force you to adjust your plans. If money is tight, consider a part-time job in a new field, or ask your employer about a phased retirement with decreasing work hours. Find out first if this would reduce benefits in a defined-benefit plan.

The Financial Planning Association suggests that another way to keep peace and provide individual freedom is to create separate retirement "slush" funds. Then you can each feel free to pursue some different interests without having to plead for cash.

Avoid the conflict that can arise when two people face retirement.

Working out the financial and emotional aspects early on can help make your retirement years as rewarding as your working years.