Aging
as Spiritual Awakening
By
Karen Turner, MA, LMFT, DAPA
The purpose for
viewing any crisis occurring within a person’s life as potential
for spiritual awakening is to help an individual use the crisis to
maximize its usefulness in his/her own personal development.
To help someone reframe what is often experienced as
devastating emotionally and psychologically, into something which
can fill his/her life with meaning and purpose is to provide a
lifeline in a sea of darkness.
Above all else, crisis is a confrontation with our humanness,
a time to come into contact with the Self, the core of being in
direct connection with the Godhead, the fountain of life within us.
This is a time when there is the increased potential to
surrender to spiritual guidance.
Indeed, this guidance is sometimes the only possible choice
for a person facing such crisis.
Symptoms
Sometimes
people do not realize they are in a crisis and so do not see
the need to help themselves deal with their situation as a
crisis. Seeing if some
or all of the following symptoms fit for you can help in finding an
appropriate response:
1.
Tremendous stress in specific or all aspects of the
person’s life.
2.
Loss of meaning. May
be brought on by loss of loved ones, disaster, divorce, body
changes, physical illness, or some other primarily external event.
3.
The complaint that “nothing seems to work anymore, the way
it did.” Feeling like
life is over without this person, this job, this way of life, this
body.
4.
Old beliefs that formerly provided the basis for life are
being questioned. It
doesn’t matter if the beliefs were “spiritual” or not.
Sometimes a person who has been very religious will begin to
question the reality of God. Or
someone who has always believed there is no such thing as God begins
to wonder…
5.
Motivations change.
What used to motivate (usually ego-gratifying behaviors) no
longer does. Sometimes
it is difficult to find motivations or new motivations arise.
6.
Relationships may be in chaos.
Old ways of relating no longer work. Something different is
wanted.
7.
There is often a feeling of not wanting to do anything, or
topics which previously seemed “bad” or “wrong” become the
current, often obsessive, interest.
This frequently causes distress and guilt.
8.
Guilt may be a strong motivating factor for coming into
therapy: “What’s
wrong with me? I
don’t seem to want to do the things I should do.”
Many women come into therapy saying they no longer want to
take care of others, that they have been doing it all their lives
and no longer have the desire to nurture others in the same ways
they have always done. They
need something for themselves now, and a different way of serving.
9.
There may be disturbing perceptual shifts, such as seeing
things that aren’t objectively there but are grasped on an
intuitive level. These
are not hallucinations. Sometimes
Kundalini-type physical phenomena are present.
Spiritual “emergencies” can arise for some. This can include opening to other levels of reality which can
cause tremendous fears about sanity itself and what it all means.
10. Deep
depression, despair, sometimes suicidal thoughts, rage or lethargy,
all come to the surface.
11. There
is deep grief, knowing that something is “off,” but not knowing
what that “something” is; this often manifests as sorrow and
confusion.
12. Experiencing
feelings like “the bottom has dropped out,” as if there is no
longer a foundation upon which to rest.
13. Desires
for space, solitude, simplicity arise.
14. Desire
for “something else” out of relationship or out of life which
may not yet be defined. Deep
longings and yearnings, sometimes specific, sometimes not, surface.
Or there may be desires for very specific things which seem
unattainable or taboo.
15. There
may exist an awareness of a spiritual crisis, but sometimes there is
no awareness of this and even discomfort at the thought.
TASKS
OF THE AWAKENING
Tasks to be considered to help shift the crisis and use the potential
for spiritual awakening.
1.
To adopt a positive conceptual framework.
Framing
the crisis as a healthy one, to see it not necessarily as meaning
something is wrong, but rather that the psyche is attempting to
self-regulate, and to bring the system to a greater level of health
than was known before. To
acknowledge that there may be clean-up work to do, and that the
crisis is basically a spiritual emergence – something greater,
more aware of its wholeness, is emerging.
2.
To be confronted with opposites (both personal and
transpersonal shadow material) and with the need to integrate them
into the psyche.
Confrontation
with personal, hidden
identities which have been projected out onto family, friends,
associates, etc., including both inflated and deflated images of
ourselves. Confrontation with transpersonal
projections onto politicians, countries, ethnic groups, authorities,
archetypes, deities and devils.
These projections can now be more easily seen as part of the
Self. This can be a
very difficult process, shattering to our “ideal” images of
ourselves. Great
courage is needed here, and such courage is shown in people willing
to undergo the process of this confrontation. Remember that support from personal friends, family, and from
professionals is often needed in this confrontation process.
3.
To examine all of one’s personal identities.
This
examination is a stripping of oneself to the very core, a laying
bare of “who we really are.”
People involved with this task often have dreams and
fantasies containing alchemical images of disintegration or
mutilation. An example
of this comes from a woman I worked with who was in the throes of
crisis and dreamed that she was walking down steps and when she
reached the bottom of what seemed to be some sort of well, she found
a whole pile of pieces and parts of (what she knew to be) herself
like parts of a puzzle. She
knew within the dream that she had to put the puzzle together in a
new way. We must
examine who we identify ourselves to be before we can choose
to identify differently.
4.
To face illusions, to realize that the world as we see it is
as we created it through our own perceptions.
It
is to challenge the thinking that we create everything that happens
to us as simplistic and guilt provoking.
It is more correct to say that through our choices and our
work on ourselves that we create our perception of reality by our response
to what happens to us.
The
realization that comes from facing the illusion that we are in
control, and that the world is not what it seems, can ultimately
mean accepting that the world is a reflection of our own
perceptions; beyond and behind what we think we see, beyond our
thoughts about it, lies the real world. It is an
experience that can be shattering for the ego. It can make us feel as if our lives are in pieces all
around us, and that there is no foundation under us.
However,
as we face our illusions, we can come to a new sense of wholeness,
and with this, our spirit is renewed and strengthened.
Sometimes this involves facing how disillusioned we feel
because so many of our dreams and hopes have been shattered or
remain unrealized. Another
way to look at our disillusionment is to re-spell it this way:
dis-illusions. In
other words, finally loosening our hold on an illusionary world. Such healing can take place here, preparing us for a sense of
a deep humility, which can come from surrendering to our true
spiritual nature hidden within.
5.
To confront and accept one’s ordinariness, to let go of
specialness.
In
this task we confront images of ourselves which are either inflated
or deflated ones, and find ourselves to be just ordinary human
beings, dealing with the same issues as everyone else.
It is in confronting this ‘ordinariness’ that we find our
uniqueness, find that we are not special – either better-than or
less-than – but that we are each unique individuals, with gifts
and faults like all other humans.
This can be both liberating and shattering, especially if
ego-identity is strongly attached to either the deflated or inflated
position (which is usually the case).
We also eventually discover that our individual uniqueness is
ours alone to develop and offer to ourselves and the world.
There is a potential here for a great sense of freedom.
This freedom can enable and empower us to follow deep inner
guidance rather than the inflated or deflated images and beliefs we
have here-to-fore allowed to dominate our lives.
6.
To confront humanness, to come into fuller incarnation.
Coming
into our “humanness,” that is, what we share with all other
humans on the planet, involves a unity that becomes a spiritual
awakening in the highest sense.
Going deeply into our own suffering means that we touch the
suffering of the world, our hearts open to all suffering.
And when we’re deeply enough into it, our hearts open us to
service – not out of sacrifice, but because we want to be of
service…it seems there is nothing else to do, or perhaps nothing
else left to do.
As
we touch the essence of what makes us human, we naturally come to
union with God, with Divinity, because this experience of union with
God seems to be the very heart of what it is to be a human being,
not just a human “becoming.”
It is not something separate from the human experience; it is
the core of it. This
heals the split between the human and the divine mirrored in all
polarities.
7.
To take responsibility
for caring for our physical needs.
No
matter if the crisis is physical in nature or not, we must learn to
honor our bodies in new and deeper ways.
We need to learn to care for them and this means – in this
time of ever growing costs of insurance and diminishing availability
of medical treatment for millions – that we take growing
responsibility for learning how they function best.
Our needs for exercise (if we are able) and good nutrition
become a priority if we wish to stay as healthy as possible for
ourselves and for our loved ones.
Crisis can often herald a time when the individual feels less
like caring for themselves physically, when indeed this can be at
the very core of what is needed.
On a spiritual level, and depending on one’s beliefs, this
focus on the physical level can take one all the way to
“cellular” transformation, with the need and desire to look into
systems (such as hatha yoga, Qi Goung, Tai Chi and other body-based
systems) which teach the mechanics of such transformation.
There is a wonderful possibility which can be the outcome of
all this seeming insanity around insurance and such, and that is the
coming together of Eastern and Western medicine.
There are many “alternative” systems being born and old
ones explored which can provide the necessary answers our society
and what the world seeks.
8.
To be able to
‘dis-identify’ from the physical body.
The
paradox of fully coming into the human form is, that when we can do
this, we can also dis-identify with the physical body and with its
desires and attachments. Then
we can begin to see the body as a beautiful instrument of
communication. As we
dis-identify in this way, we can then inhabit the body and learn to
control more aspects of it’s functioning.
This process often involves dealing with addictions of all
kinds, from obvious to very subtle.
9.
To work through
unresolved issues of adolescence.
In
crisis, we often feel like adolescents again.
We face the same issues:
separating from parents, no longer blaming or clinging to
them but releasing them finally and learning to see them as people.
Parents as well as we the children, need forgiveness here. Forgiveness helps us to separate from conditioned beliefs,
and helps the healing of old wounds that we no longer need to keep
us imprisoned.
10.
To accept that this planet is a school and the work can be
difficult.
Accepting
this frees us. It is
easier to see situations as various manifestations of life energy,
rather than just as conflicts and problems confronting our ego
selves. Acceptance makes life less of a burden. This framework also helps us realize that no matter what the
outer circumstance is, we have a lesson to learn from it,
rather than believing that we are being punished when we feel very
violated, harmed or betrayed.
We are, instead, being given lessons in order to help us
become aware of the presence of God in our lives and to learn that
the love of God will sustain us.
Sometimes, when disaster and really horrible events happen to
us, this lesson is very hard to learn and we may lose sight of it
completely for a time. It
is at these times we can most benefit from the support and guidance
of those we respect and who can help us back to this knowing.
11.
To enter into present moment awareness.
Although
past, unresolved issues come into the present to be healed, the
focus of the work is now, the present moment.
We begin to accept, not just resign to, life the way it is. From here we can begin to align ourselves with the
metaphysical truth that the way it is is
the best way it can be to teach us.
We are gaining the greatest amount of growth right now from
“the way it is.” Even
though painful or difficult, it is the perfect situation from which
we can learn all we need to learn.
It is the perfect situation from which to “wake-up” and
come to a greater awareness of God’s presence and teaching in our
lives.
At the darkest, most desolate moments of our lives, when
there is nothing other than pain all around us, there is absolutely
nowhere else to go, except to God.
At least there is the potential of opening to Spirit
at these moments; there is also the potential of becoming embittered
and bereft of compassion. The
difference lies in our attitude about what we are experiencing, and
whether or not we take up the challenge facing us.
12.
To be willing to take full responsibility for our lives the
way they are now, rather than constantly wishing things were
different.
We
begin to take a very deep level of responsibility for all of our
thoughts, emotions, actions, choices – including our gifts and
faults.
It is often true that real responsibility and maturity only
comes from deep soul-searching.
A suggestion for a definition of the word responsibility that
moves us away from duty is to define it as, “the ability to
respond from the very core of our being.” Seen this way, taking
full responsibility means to be willing to respond to life from our
depths.
Our lives can become filled with meaning and purpose when
these more fulfilling levels of responsibility are achieved.
13.
To allow the necessary grief work to surface so that healing
can continue.
This
unexpressed grief comes from many sources:
from recognizing how separate we are from ourselves and each
other, and from God; from loss of “dreams” and how we thought we
“should” be; from letting go of old self images, images of who
we thought we were; from experiences of loss (i.e. of relationships,
goals, etc); from touching the collective suffering on this earth.
This grief is deep and primal and can release us from the
past if we allow it to move through us.
Sometimes I liken this to having a deep, puncture wound that
has sealed over with skin on the surface.
The only way to get the wound to heal fully is to lance it so
that the debris of dead tissue, abscessing and such, can be washed
out until clean bleeding occurs.
This lancing to full depth is the only sure way to full
healing. However,
ripping the skin away is not always the best means of healing.
Sometimes, the wound needs to be soaked in warm water for a
long while. This warm
water is akin to unconditional, positive regard and respect for the
individual’s timing in removing the scab and getting to the deeper
wounding beneath. Each
individual needs to be fully respected around his/her own grieving
process.
14.
To deal with longing.
What
emerges from the chaos and despair is a longing we previously
thought could only be satisfied by relationships or work.
The longing now becomes one which can only be filled by
direct connection with Spirit.
It is a longing for union with something greater, a longing
for wholeness, for self-actualization and self-transcendence.
It is what the soul longs for that is at the core of all
addictive “longing” which we experience as craving, both
emotionally and physically.
15.
To study our own personal myths and symbol systems.
We
sometimes have interest in studying what our own myths may be, which
myths attract us, and exploring whatever symbols are our personal
ones, the ones with which we work.
This, of course, is an extensive area of study, and only
mentioned here as a possible task to be undertaken.
Those interested in this will know what I mean.
16.
To own our gifts and creativity.
We
begin to discover, after all the shakedown of who we thought we
were, who we really are after removing all the false identities and
trappings. In what
creative channels does the natural flow of our lives take us?
What brings us joy and pleasure, by ourselves?
To truly “…follow our bliss” (as the anthropologist
Joseph Campbell says) is, I am convinced, the fastest and certainly
most enjoyable road to union with God, and to union with Self as the
Beloved. It seems true
that doing what truly brings us joy is the highest mission we have
on this planet; finding our joy means finding a direct channel to
the Divine. We need to
learn to exercise ”joy muscles!”
If we are feeling joy, then we can model the possibility of
joy to others.
This
is not an “airy-fairy” point of view.
I am not speaking of simply discovering what brings us joy in
the moment, and what is then passing pleasure.
I am speaking of discovering joy in each and every
possibility of our lives. This
means to find it even in the very worst of circumstances and life
situations. I speak of
the joy which transcends our “every-day” experience of trials
and tribulations. It is
to find this within our own hearts, not in the transitory pleasures
of life.
One of the most difficult things for many of us to do is to
fully develop our gifts. This, I believe, is actually at the very heart of taking full
responsibility for our lives. At
the core of the very fact that we call them gifts is a hidden key:
they are not “ours;” they are gifts from Spirit.
We are merely asked to receive them graciously, learn how to
use them well and pass them on to the world.
Notice that the first bit of this is to receive them
graciously. This
means acknowledging the Giver of the gift with gratitude and an open
heart. We did not
“earn” these gifts; they were given freely.
As we take them to our hearts, we can in turn give them on to
others freely.
17.
To acknowledge the idea of “no sacrifice” living.
This
task involves discovering that “sacrifice” (in the sense of
burden) leads to the guilt/resentment/martyrdom/punishment syndrome
(all patriarchal views of service, I might add.)
If we are serving out of this type of sacrifice, we usually
do it with resentment and martyrdom.
We make others feel guilt instead of touching the guilt we
truly. I think the true birth of service comes from doing things
only because we want to, with full responsibility and freedom of
choice – no martyrdom, no guilt, no resentment – and, therefore,
avoiding setup of punishment or further guilt-invoking situations.
Imagine a world where everyone served because they wanted to
do so!
Now,
the approach does NOT mean that doing the type of service which is
done because it is right to do (and we thus want to do it), does not
at times involve great difficulty and hardship.
The difference is that there is no martyrdom involved in the
doing of it; however, there may be sacrifice in the sense of giving
up something to which there is very great attachment.
What
seems to happen here is that we go through a period of no longer
wanting to do what we were doing because we examined our reasons and
found martyrdom, the sacrifice which is experienced as burden, or
resentment. As we own
up to these feelings and realize that no one outside of ourselves is
forcing us to do what we are doing, or think the way we are
thinking, we usually go through a period of pulling back, pulling
in, from activity. We
need solitude and do eventually come back out, filled with new
energy. This is because
– now – we are doing what we want.
At this point we are no longer confused, but aligned with
personal truths, no matter what the cost in releasing attachments.
18.
To shift relationships from being need-based to being
growth-based.
As
investment in old identities drops away, relationships based in
collusion (co-illusion) of supporting each other’s old images must
begin to shift. We are
more interested in supporting the other person’s growth and
freedom. Therefore,
relationships are sought that will help us grow in freedom and not
remain stuck in old images.
A new way of looking at our most intimate relationships
emerges: the “Imago
Deo” is the image of God we see in each other when we fall in love
that we have then to re-discovery within ourselves in order to
become whole. Thus, our
most beloved “other” becomes our teacher(s).
His/her face becomes the face of God – serving his/her
needs; learning to love unconditionally becomes a true spiritual
path.
19.
To confront themes of death and rebirth.
In
dreams, or in our dark inner thoughts, death can become an
obsession. Something is
dying within us, and needs to be given space and compassionate
understanding to come to the surface.
The experience can be so dramatic that a person may actually
feel as if he or she is dying. There may exist a longing for death and a need to acknowledge
that longing. Something
is also trying to be reborn within the person; dreams arise of
giving birth. There may
be a fascination with newness, and wanting to try new things.
Beliefs must be explored about the meaning of death and
rebirth. If someone is
facing the loss of a loved one, he/she needs to ask themselves these
tough questions and fully explore his/her own beliefs about death.
This often includes the fantasies and fears about what the
person who has died is now experiencing.
There may be very difficult decisions to be faced.
More and more people are finding themselves facing horrendous
physical realities which lead them to question whether or not to
take their own lives. It
seems this is a profound, worldwide phenomena as we are living
longer but not necessarily better lives.
This involves confrontation of the most soulful nature with
one’s moral, ethical, religious and spiritual beliefs.
This can bring a person into direct contact with the reality
of ending one’s own life, and needs to be explored fully and
carefully.
20.
To forgive past “sins.”
Forgiveness
of past doings, real or imagined, becomes an important focus.
This forgiveness seems to be a major factor in healing.
This work on forgiveness needs to be two-pronged (at least).
One is the need to bring total honesty about how much one is
genuinely experiencing forgiveness, not simply saying it is so
because of inner and outer pressures to do so.
This leads to resentment, bitterness and more pain.
The other prong is to examine what the person means by
forgiveness. I have
found in my work that many people feel that to forgive is to forget
what was done to them or what they did to others.
It helps if an individual understands that there is no
“forgetting” involved, that the remembering can turn into
learning, but without the terrible attachment of suffering which
seems to always accompany a lack of forgiveness.
The lack of forgiveness continues to hurt the person holding
on and so forgiveness is for the healing of the person who
has not forgiven. This applies whether or not the person needs to forgive
him/herself or another. Holding
on simply seems to mean the person is not ready to move on and take
full responsibility for his/her own life (remembering the suggested
meaning of the word responsible).
Healing occurs when true forgiveness is achieved.
21.
To reclaim our innocence.
After
examining our guilt and shadows and taking responsibility for it
all, then it is time to reclaim our innocence and find that in us
which is pure, child-like and free.
What is pure and simple in us, beyond good and evil, is also
natural. This process
involves, as well, the development of humility.
And with humility and the innocence of a child, we can come
home to the heart of God, with simplicity and honor.
22.
To develop the feminine self – our sense of “being,”
rather than “doing.”
This means developing the feminine side of ourselves.
It is with the “feminine” side of our nature (gender
irrelevant) that we receive – from one another and from God.
So ultimately, it is from the feminine that we surrender our
lives to God. It is how
we receive the love that God has for us, and the lessons.
It is the way we receive from one another also.
This
task may include confrontation with the Great Goddess in all her
aspects, the dark goddess as well as the nourishing, loving aspects
of the nurturing feminine. It
is no small undertaking because confrontation with the Goddess
within us is a powerful earthing connection:
a connection with the earth itself, a taking back of our
rootedness in her, and a willingness to be devoured in her wrathful
aspect. This means
going into the void, the dark richness of the unknown within us.
I think this may well be the most important single
undertaking for the world today and what is needed to save our
planet. However, this
is a heavily misunderstood undertaking and one, which requires an
open-mindedness, and exploration that takes us beyond our limited
experience.
23.
To find our solitude – the inner space of our wholeness.
This
is about finding the deep inner space within, our private space from
which we can touch the source of our lives.
Many of us need to create a quiet place in our lives –
either a time carved out of overly busy lives or a place to go to
– a place which is reserved for an intensely private relationship
with God, no matter our personal beliefs about God.
The
paradox here is that finding our solitude also means discovering our
deep connectedness, our relatedness to each other, to the earth, and
to God. Out of our
unique wholeness we can meet each other as equals.
This solitude becomes precious; it is not isolation, but a
richness and a depth, a necessity.
24.
To explore the “Imago Deo,” our image of God.
The
task here is simply to explore our beliefs and images of God. The purpose of this is to make sure that what we believe
about spirituality really serves us and is not simply made up of old
beliefs we were taught that are no longer of value to us.
As we do this deep exploration, we can discard that which is
now an obstacle to our spiritual maturity.
This exploration can involve examining new possibilities for
spiritual unfoldment or looking at old beliefs with a new
understanding.
God
is truly beyond all images that we hold.
So exploration of these images is very important if we are to
discover where we want to give up ultimate responsibility, and what
we believe will be ultimate retribution for our actions.
Differentiating these images and bringing them into awareness
frees up enormous amounts of energy that has been caught in them.
We also need to explore the great fear that arises when such
images are activated.
25.
To confront the split between ‘my will’ and ‘Thy
Will.’
Doing
what we want to do often reveals splits between our individual
desire and what we believe God wants of us.
Confronting this also reveals deeper images a person may hold
of “who God is.” Often,
doing what “we want” is our way of discovering what God wants of
us – because there is really no split, no separation, between
ourselves and God. On
the deepest levels, our personal desires and God’s become one.
What we truly want may well be God’s voice within us.
It is the voice of the Source of Our Lives, deep within our
own hearts. Exploring these areas sometimes reveals significant areas of
guilt from which we have been hiding.
To live completely responsible and fulfilled lives requires
extraordinary honesty and self-examination.
Very often it is easier to feel guilty than to face up to our
full responsibilities as mature adults.
It is easier to make of God a parental “over-seer” than
attempt co-creation which exacts high levels of discernment and
surrender.
26.
To open to global issues and realize our participation in the
Whole.
It
seems that as we awaken to awareness of our spirituality, we simply
open to wanting to help others as a natural consequence of the
awakening.
We
find ourselves to be no longer isolated beings, but truly parts of a
global occurrence, a global awakening.
We feel ourselves to be part of the whole world and begin to
participate in it, but not completely “of it” anymore.
This can include a dramatic and often traumatic awakening to
the “power” struggles going on within the world, to the
realization of the money-based, greed-based, nature of that
struggle. We here
confront the “shadow” side of attempting to do “good works”
within the world and our own, deeper motivations and the motivations
of those “in power.”
27.
To develop Intuition.
We
learn to listen to the silence within us.
Learning to listen teaches us to trust, to risk ourselves
more fully because we know ourselves better, and thus the trust is
based in self-knowledge rather than in doubt.
As our intuition continues to deepen and open, ever
broadening realms of the human psyche become a certainty and a
foundation, of our inseparable connection with God, and with the
Source of All Life flowing through us.
28.
To open to the unknown, and become welcoming of our lives.
As
we continue to grow and open, trusting the naturalness of whatever
happens for us in our lives, we come to a state of trust with an
open, child-like heart. It
is then we can welcome our lives with this openness and trust,
because we surrender to God. Here we explore fears of the unknown, and simply learn
to offer that fear to God, with an ever more trusting mind and
heart. We learn that
each of us has his or her own direct line to God and does not need
anyone else’s interpretation – although dialogue with others
becomes a precious undertaking to provide counter-balance to
self-delusion.
29.
To encounter the Self as the Beloved.
This
implies recognition of, and experiential encounter with, the Self as
the Beloved, as the spark of God lying deep within the very nature
of the whole human being. Here
seeking ends, desire ends, separation ends.
In practical day-to-day terms, this state is reached in a
moment, in an hour or maybe even a day.
The awareness and experience comes and goes, staying longer,
coming more often.
CONCLUDING
REMARKS
The above is, of course, a bare outline of what seems to be a
phenomenon affecting an ever-growing number of people.
This outline is an attempt to provide a container for the
process of turning a crisis into a spiritual awakening.
Psychotherapy can be seen as a model for a “vessel” that
can contain the healing process.
As more therapists go through this process themselves, they
will be better prepared to help others through it.
Perhaps this is a journey we all must make in our own ways.
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