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China's
aged widows and widowers are moving in together, rather than marrying, to
avoid family disputes BEIJING - A growing number of
elderly widowers and widows in China's capital are putting an end to their
loneliness, not by getting married, but by moving in together. Social workers said this
arrangement was being favoured to avoid potential problems. Ms Yi Mi, vice-president of the
local elderly people's federation, said: 'To some of them, walking
directly into marriage can lead to problems such as property disputes.
Some children also dislike a re-arrangement of the heritage due to another
marriage by a parent.' Indeed, many second marriages
have ended in failure because of such arguments. For instance, Li, 62, and his
second wife Zeng each had their own homes. But when they got married, they
decided to live in Zeng's house. When her granddaughter needed
money to study in Japan and approached her for help, Zeng sold Li's house. She did not wait to obtain his
permission as he was away on business. This infuriated Li's children. They insisted that their father
get the house back. Li was also unhappy that his
wife had taken such a major decision without consulting him. Zeng, who had planned to repay
the money, was upset that he had taken his children's side rather than
hers. In the end, she asked for a
divorce, and made Li leave her house. A happy union thus ended
unhappily, said the monthly magazine China Today. Ms Yi noted that the children of
couples going into second marriages often frowned upon such 'late in life'
relationships. Jealousy and arguments were
common. 'Elderly people also dislike
family conflicts due to a late marriage,' she said. Losing the love and concern of
their children is the last thing they want in a culture that emphasises
the importance of family and an 'unbreak- able blood relationship'. Surprisingly, Chinese society is
rather tolerant of elderly couples who choose to live together without
marrying. Indeed, 90 per cent of the more
than 4,000 people who responded to a recent survey on the issue by the
Chinese news portal, Sohu, approved of such arrangements. But some legal experts said
these couples should enter into lawful marriages. Only then can they have their
property rights protected since shared property by cohabiting couples is
not protected, they said. Ms Yi agreed. When a partner in a second
marriage dies, the heartbroken seniors are not recognised by their
deceased partners' children even if they took good care of their new
lovers in their old age, she said. 'As a social worker for the
elderly, I would advise the elderly people, especially women, that before
passion takes the upper hand, they should ponder the consequences of
forsaking proper legal protection,' she said. 'In addition, winning the
support of their children can also make things easier in such cases.' Copyright
© 2002 Global Action on Aging |
